The Snuggie pub crawl? A walking nightmare

America has enough image problems. Do we really need a crowd of drunks staggering through the streets, looking like a band of medieval monks in their Snuggies?

Yep, that’s right. Your worst fear—or maybe it’s only mine—has been confirmed. The evil influence of the Snuggie has invaded the haven of those who need a place to relax after a long, grueling day at work. There are Snuggie pub crawls being planned in big cities all over the country. The Chicago one will take place Saturday, April 18. (Mark that date on your calendar if, like me, you plan to stay away from bars to avoid the fashion eyesore otherwise known as the Snuggie.)

I hope the event organizers have taken into account the perils of such an evening. Besides the inherent risk of tripping over the hem of your robe and cracking your head against the concrete, fights could break out among the alcohol-swilling Snuggie wearers and the rest of the alcohol-swilling population who can’t get over having in their midst people who resemble a Ku Klux Klan member or a “Star Wars” character. Among the inebriated, fights have broken out for far less. Let the Snuggie SmackDown begin.

You won’t ever see me sporting a Snuggie. A $20 oversized fleece blanket with sleeves that you wear like a robe? No thanks. I already have a very nice, thick robe, and if so inclined I can wear it backward while I lounge on my couch. Or I could even cut holes in one of my blankets.

So how has the Snuggie managed to accumulate more than 4 million sales under its sleeve? Blame it on the tough economy. Thanks to the recession, direct-response advertising, the preferred industry term for commercials that feature a toll-free 800 number for placing orders, has become more prevalent on cable television. Such “as-seen-on-TV” companies are purchasing more TV slots for less money. Plus, people are looking for ways to lower their heating bills, and bundling up is just as convenient a way as any.

But I still can’t believe how successful the over-the-top Snuggie infomercial is or how gullible its fans are. They’ve been convinced that regular blankets just don’t make the fold anymore. Regular blankets slip and slide. And when you want to reach for something, your hands are trapped—trapped!—inside. And here I thought all this time my hands were just resting comfortably under my blanket.

The Snuggie’s bizarre cut following is frightening in its intensity—another example of this blanket/robe’s evil influence. Type in Snuggie on Facebook and more than 500 results come up. Snuggie is on YouTube, with more than 700 videos posted, many of them parodies, including one titled “Cult of the Snuggie” with 381,711 views as of today.

The Snuggie is not the first of its kind. Before the Snuggie, there was the Slanket (the same exact product, albeit with a less snuggly name and at more than double the cost). And after the Snuggie, who knows? Maybe an oversized fleece blanket with sleeves and a hood? I can picture the ad now: A group of guys and girls in the new Snuggies grind and gyrate—maybe flop around would be a more accurate description, given their getup—to club music under strobe lights, while a female voice-over coos, “You know how to stay Snuggie-licious this winter.”


3 Responses to “The Snuggie pub crawl? A walking nightmare”

  1. john raftery Says:

    You won’t see me in one…

  2. the Snuggie is my excuse to dress like a pink Jedi

  3. I just found out about this pub crawl. I actually want to go. I hear thats all kinds of crazy ppl show up and some even have snuggies made out of shamwows. Sounds like a riot.

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